I snuck a post in yesterday and was all "la dee dah I posted NEVER MIND ABOUT THE LAST 7 MONTHS IT'S FINE".
As I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat about what I've been up to, let me tell it to you. There have been some big changes on the Funkytown front. My life is the Funkytown.
Basically, I think I stopped posting at about the time I joined this Wellness Center place. That sounds a little bit like a cult. It's not. I don't think. Although apparently we are now hugging each other. And they all "support my progress". So. Huh... how about that?
Let's start again.
So I joined a cult back in January/February.
You all know that I was on this Let's Lose Weight kick last year. And I wasn't doing too bad. I was going to the gym... ok, I was hanging out on the elliptical... four times a week. I was watching what I was eating. And I lost maybe like 9 or 10 pounds on my own. And then it stopped somewhere during the summer last year. It just... I dunno... ended. And I kept up with it, and I was tracking it, and blah blah blah. But there was no improvement. That awful, horrible, not much improved number just kept staring at me. So after the holidays (which was a shining example of gluttony and indulgence) I decided to take a month and not drink any alcohol at all.
Let me explain this thinking.
I'm not saying I'm an alcoholic. I can function perfectly fine without drinking every day.
Not that I would actually know because I was having a drink or five, four nights a week (at least) for a while.
So you figure you go from maybe 20 drinks a week to none? And keep eating the same way? I mean... minus the late night bar munchies... I should drop SEVERAL HUNDRED POUNDS, amirite?
The answer to that question is "No, Connie, you are not right."
It made not one ounce of difference. In an entire month it changed NOTHING. And I had to deal with this disappointment SOBER.
Ugh. I felt like a total failure.
So then my friend Da'vine Joy Randolph (who you might recognize because she was a TONY NOMINATED ACTRESS FOR HER ROLE AS ODA MAY BROWN IN GHOST ON BROADWAY!!)... wait... here... this chick:
... well she suggested that I try out this place called Complete Wellness in Midtown. I was skeptical but she said that my insurance might cover it all and that jazz. So I was all "Potentially free massive weight loss and a team of hot professionals?! Where do I sign up?!"
Oh yeah. Everybody at this place? Pretty darn good looking. It's (not so) shockingly motivating.
So I went in, met with Dr. Scott who recommended that I meet with a nutritionist, work out with a personal trainer (in house) three days a week and get checked out by a chiropractor. The chiropractor found that my spine was all jacked up, which probably contributed to how I walked which contributed to my shin splints which contributed to my lack of real beneficial exercise.
And so I did all of this. From February through April. And I lost...
So Dr. Scott recommended the HCG diet to me. This is a CRAZY diet, and not for the faint of heart. Let me explain. HCG is the human growth hormone found in pregnant women. In order to get this hormone, they have to harvest it from pregnant lady's urine. Gross, right? But I mean... apparently they pee a lot so I would imagine it's pretty easy to get a lot of it. Anyway. This hormone is what ensures babies grow nice and healthy, even if the mother isn't eating enough. It directs the body to use stored body fat to make up for the calories being burned... ya know... while making a human. So scientists were like "So. It just burns up all your fat? I feel like we can market this somehow.... is there a market for this kind of thing?" And lucky for them, there totally IS a market for that kind of thing! So they put people on incredibly strict, low calorie diets (500 calories-ish. Yeah.that approximately covers the number of calories it takes to like, breathe and be awake.) along with daily injections of the hormone (it's little, like next to nothing. And the needle is tiny like an insulin shot)... for 40 days. And you can't work out (oh. So sad.) So I gave it a whirl.
26 pounds GONE in 40 days!
My clothes don't fit me!
Pants are falling off of me!
I lost nearly triple in 40 days that I had in the ENTIRE YEAR before!
So I'm doing it again. Today's the first day of 500 calories. I just had hot tomato water with chunks of chicken... a recipe they call Chicken and Tomato Soup. Whatever. There are better recipes like really yummy meat loaf, italian wedding soup (without the barley), chili, chicken fingers, "onion rings"... so this was a bit of a misstep. But knowing that in the next few days I will start to see pounds just melt away from me is SO so exciting! I'll keep you updated as usual.
I DON'T keep you updated ever?
I have decided that, although the idea of owning my own company sounds really quite fabulous, I just don't think it's for me. Events By Connie will still exist as my own personal tax haven... I mean... side business...
I just don't think that having to look out for my own benefits, 401k, as well as marketing myself AND running my business and financial well being is for me. I'll keep it around so that when people ask for me to plan something for them I can. But I think I will keep doing what I am doing, building my experience doing corporate and client events. I have been lucky enough to plan some client events at my current job. I'm hoping between this experience, my DC experience and my own personal experience, getting a job doing events for a large corporation won't be impossible. Time will tell!
I've been considering this for a while, but my friend Ana sort of convinced me to actually go for it on Monday. I'm going to seek out therapy because dudes... I am MESSED. UP. So while the idea of paying someone to make me talk about stuff I don't want to talk about sounds just LOVELY (seriously. PLEASE someone come up with a sarcasm font.) I think it may be a necessary evil for me to move forward and find happiness. I think I harbor a lot of insecurities and defense mechanisms that keep me somewhat removed from people and relationships. And being someone that has realized she'd like to get married and have kids... that probably won't work well in my favor, I'm thinking.
Speaking of kids... guess who has a new nephew?! ME! (there's a pattern here. It's all about me. You should just go ahead and get on board with that now.) His name is Jaylen Lawrence. He was born March 31, 2012 and he is an Aries just like his favorite auntie! (That would be me. Again.) He is the happiest, cutest, sweetest little bundle of joy I have ever seen in my life and I couldn't be more excited that he's here! And my sister is doing GREAT with him! She has gone back to school AND work, and got rid of his dead-beat dad which is all nothing short of several miracles!
So there it is. A pretty good re-cap of my life. I'm trying to make this become a regular thing again. You know how that goes. But this is day 2 in a row!
...So don't be surprised if you don't hear from me again until at least next week.
Don't be greedy.