Whoops no title... ah well...

This post will be much more upbeat and no less self serving than the last :) 

Apparently people only like to send me pictures that make me look like a drunken fool, wait for me to share with the ENTIRE interweb, and THEN send me the pictures where I look human and actually a little bit... wait for it.... good?  Of course, if I had the wherewithal to take pictures myself on special occasions then I could use my own discretion when choosing pictures, but again... drunken fool = unable to take photos.  So I'm dealing with it, in my own way.

And that way is, of course, to add an addendum to the Birthweek post, and include these photos:

These were from the first night and.... hey wait... who's that guy?? Oh that's CHARLIE in the second picture!  Yes, Charlie who was mentioned but not actually pictured in the first post does actually exist (unlike either of our upper lips) and was wonderful!  He also has a strong affinity to white shirts and shoes, and has luck wearing them without getting them messy unlike anyone I've ever met.  Notice that I wear dark colors.  Just a little insight there.

The top picture is of Gia and Dwayne... Gia who doesn't like to be pictured but whose birthday it was and, damnit, it was happening!  Dwayne looks pretty thrilled about that, too.  And don't let Dwayne fool you, that plate had been full of nachos that he ate ALL BY HIMSELF... kind of.

This is the only picture I have of these two together and it's adorable!  I like that they wanted the world to know that they are Improving, non-stop... much like the MTA of NYC.  Except that the MTA is lying, and I'm not sure there's much improving to be done to these two.  We are on our way to Soho where Charlie got squealy and excited and loved it!




Alice, Natalie and Me.. by the way, I'm not wearing lipstick.  I have no idea where that lovely color on my lips appeared from but I am SO OK with it!



Gia (got her again!) and Miranda

Me and Michael and Natalie looking on adoringly...



Me and Natalie




Ohhh Taraaaa....

So these are all from Saturday.  Now, granted, I still look like a hot mess in some of these.  But the ones at the top aren't so bad!  And it was my birthday, people!  Responsibility be damned, I'm having a good time!  The guy in the last picture behind Tara and me seems to be pretty amused, so at least we weren't THOSE drunk people...  But just to reiterate, I had a really fantastic birthday thanks to these people and the very patient bartenders!
Although there were lots of people I wish I could have seen that weekend that I didn't, one thing that was definitely missing was a morning after snuggle with this lovely lady...

I was talking to another DJ friend of the DJ's who I have hung out with too many times to count.  His name is DJ Drew/DJ Mutt (depending on when you met him), and people in the DC area, or that frequent Union Jack's in Bethesda, MD would probably know him.  Anyway, is it bad that I was considering retracting my decision to not visit the DJ, so that I could see Maggie and DJ Drew?  Because I totally considered it for like 3 days.  And then promptly talked myself out of it, as nothing good can come from 1) visiting or 2) using the DJ to get to see other people.  Maybe I can convince Gia to go up to Bethesda with me when I visit.  That would probably be a better idea, right? 
Anyway, that should be it for birthweek photos... I think... 

I'll have you know that my week is steadily improving.  Last night I went to the gym and am officially back on that bandwagon... FOR GOOD.  Please stop mocking me... it's hard!  But fo real, yo.  It's the end of March and I am light years away from being happy with what I see in the mirror.  So something's gotta give.  Like seriously. 

OK!  So I'm off to pick-up my very first big-girl, real-life, totally legit paycheck and then to get something healthy and delish for lunch!  Enjoy the rest of your day!



P.S. This is a public apology to Lyss for being so... not present... over the last week or two on here, causing her to waste precious minutes checking for a post that was just not there.  I'm back.... like the future, yo.

Well this turned out to be far more depressing than I had hoped...

Yesterday was kind of rough, guys.  It wasn't a completely awful day at all actually, but one that, when I got home, made me cry a little bit.  It wasn't a big thing, something devastating didn't happen.  And to be honest, I don't know where it took a turn for the bad. 

I got a lot done at work.  Only minor frustrations and nothing big.  I got to go outside and enjoy the weather.  I got coffee with Mandy.  I ate organic apple sauce for Pete's sake!

At some point in the afternoon I checked Facebook and saw that the DJ had posted a bunch of pictures of him with an ex girlfriend.  An ex that he had said he regretted messing things up with.  They were sitting a little too close on the couch, and the light in the pictures showed he had spent quite a significant amount of time with her.  He was wearing a shirt I bought him right before we broke up.  None of this is something unexpected.  None of this is shocking.  None of this is something I wasn't fully aware was happening with a bunch of his ex girlfriends.  And I'm not particularly hurt by it.... except that it hurts.  Ya know?  Maybe it's just a little twinge of sadness that I know just how over we are.  Maybe I'm a little jealous that he's so able to jump back in the singles circus and I've never been less interested in dating.  I took him off my news feed so that I'm no longer bombarded by images and updates and his tagging 4 million new and old women.  It's enough.  When I was looking at the pictures, it was like I recognized the face, but not the person.  I don't really remember what his voice sounds like, or what it felt like to kiss him or to laugh with him.  I remember really liking his eyes but I don't quite remember the exact color or depth of them now.  I don't exactly remember all the things that I loved about him, or all the little annoying habits he had.  It just feels a little bit like a void where he once was.  Or a memory from a really long time ago, or maybe a dream.  Maybe I'm progressing nicely right on into acceptance.  Maybe the hurt is almost over.

I went home and found a birthday card from my grandfather, Papa.  Only Papa.  This is the first card I've ever gotten that didn't have Nanny's name on it.  It was weird and unfamiliar and another reminder that somebody I love so much and care about so deeply is no longer with me. 

So I cried.  Not a lot.  Maybe a tear or two.  But it was enough.  And then I called Papa.

Papa didn't know that the DJ and I had broken up, so I told him.  He said that it was too bad, and that he thought the DJ seemed like a really great guy.  I told him I had thought so, too.  Papa said he was glad I found out before things went too far.  I agreed.  My dad just happened to be visiting Papa when I called, so I got to talk to both of them for a while, which was a lot of fun. And my mood started to lighten up.  It was good to hear my Papa's deep but kind of quiet laugh again, which I haven't heard since Nanny died.  I think my dad can make just about anybody laugh.

Thanks to Puka and her procrastination inducing behavior, I didn't do anything at all last night.  The premiers of Nurse Jackie and United States of Tara were last night which of course made me feel better.  They really never disappoint.  Except that my DVR wasn't recording the things that I told it to record over the weekend to make sure I wouldn't miss the first 5 minutes of either premier, and so, of course, I did.  And had to wait for the encore showing.  ANNOYING.  Also?  Guess who posted on my facebook post about this aggravation?  The DJ.  Ever wanted to avoid something and then you find out you just can't?  That is only slightly less annoying than the DVR thing.

But today everything is OK.  The sun is shining.... um.... you know what?  That's all I got.  But the sun is shining, and so there's that, and I'm OK with that.  And things are getting better and easier... I think... and I'm looking forward to just being OK again. 

"Birthday" doesn't sound right... maybe Birthweek

OH.
MY.
GOD.


People.  I think I have just now recovered from my birthday.  It was a dousie!  And so fantastic!  But now that I can sit upright and keep my eyes open for more than 20 minutes at a time, I am able to tell you about it.  Hold onto your hats, kids!  It's going to be a bumpy ride! (<-- Said like the shrunken heads in Harry Potter)

OK, so the weekend started with Gia's arrival on Friday afternoon.  She met me for lunch, and even brought BEAUTIFUL Crumb's Cupcakes!  She decided on Cookies N' Cream and Red Velvet.  I am very pleased with her decision.  Friday was Gia's actual birthday, but she likes to say she doesn't really celebrate it.  Okey dokey, Gia... I'll celebrate for you!  And so I did.

Due to a dress debacle that includes a dress that cost $16, a zipper addition that costs $65, and a dress that STILL DOESN'T FIT RIGHT... I had to do some shopping.  So Gia and I headed to Old Navy after work and before my cousin Michael and his boyfriend Charlie arrived.  I was looking for a cute little dress that could be paired with leggings and boots.  What I found was a sweater dress, a pair of skinny jeans, two t-shirts and a pair of earrings.  Awesome. 

We headed to Penn Station to pick up Michael and Charlie, dropped their stuff off at home and headed to the Half King.  If you are ever in NYC, please Please PLEASE stop by The Half King!  You can read about it here.  They have absolutely fantastic food!  You will love whatever you order... I suggest the Jalapeno Poppers.  The are about 3 inches long, stuffed with cream cheese and fried.  Ho-Ly-God.

Here is (from left to right) Gia, Dwayne, Michael and me at the Half King.  It's a bit dark, but my friend Mike is behind us standing at the computer... he's kind of the best server/bartender ever :)  So there was lots of whiskey , but also lots of food which kept the evening on the light side.  But really a great start to the weekend.  My friend John, who is the Doggy Daddy of THIS little beauty, also stopped by.  When we got home, we got to see that adorable little puppy all curled up on my couch and so we decided to hang out with her until 5am.

5
A
M
People.

And that's when things got a little nutty.

Saturday we slept in until 11, which is really still only 6 hours of sleep.  We had pancakes and bacon, got ready to go and headed to Soho!! SOHO!!!!

Generally speaking I hate going to Soho.  I LOVE that shopping, but my GOD the tourists!  You can hardly move and shopping is more of a fight for survival than a fun, relaxing, leisurely activity.  This time was different.  Charlie was giddy with excitement and could barely contain himself.  So what did we do?  We fed him Starbucks.  Because we are the crazy.  We went to Club Monaco, Hugo Boss, Armani Exchange...

This is me walking into Armani Exchange.  Can we talk about all that hair?!  I should really get that cut.  But anyway... I fell head-over-heels in love with just about everything in this store.  2 different dresses caught my eye, a pair of sunglasses, some shoes and a bag.  And I only allowed myself to go about half way into the store because I knew I wasn't ready to spend that kind of money.  Maybe by the end of the summer I can treat myself... we'll see :)

I did grab myself a t-shirt dress and white v-neck sweater at Uniqulo.  You may not have heard of this place.  You should educate yourself here.  I also cleaned up at Duane Reade and even scored myself their Urban Luggage "green" tote.

I did something while shopping that I have never done before.  I didn't try anything on that I bought.  Not one thing.  This goes against everything that I know about shopping.  No dressing rooms?  No poor lighting to make you go "hmmm... will this look better if I walk outside?  Or is it really that bad?".  No getting sweaty or static-y pulling clothes on and off.  No messed up hair from the multiple changes.  No flimsy curtains to act as doors, thus exposing your rump to half of New York.  It was glorious and exhilarating!  You wanna know something else?

EVERYTHING FIT!  Like a glove!  Like it was made for me!  I think I may have found a whole new outlook on life along the way!

So then Gia's friends met up with us, and the 3 of them went out to dinner.  Michael, Charlie and I headed home for me to make them a delish meal of pasta and meat sauce (I'm such a good hostess.) and then THEY headed off for the theater!  They saw Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

It's a drag show musical... and they LOVED it!  They had been considering checking out the Black Party.  But decided that since you probably should be all E'd up, it wasn't really their thing.  If you don't know what the Black Party is... go ask your parents.  If they don't know, then just leave it alone.

So I got dressed in my new T-shirt dress, and Alice came over and we left for the bars.  I started off at CheapShots at St. Marks Place.

CheapShots is a dive bar and it is AWESOME!  It's cash only and the sign is not actually visible and so I just describe it as the scary looking bar between the Liquors sign and the Laundromat sign.  But seriously?  This is a legit bar!  There's always a ton of people there, the service is good, and every hour they do a random shot for a dollar.

There was lots of whiskey.
Again.

My favorite shot will probably always be the Washington Apple Shot.  To enjoy one for yourself:

Equal Parts:

Crown Royal Whiskey
Apple Pucker
Cranberry Juice

You can add a splash of Sprite, but it's not necessary. 

Shake and pour.

It tastes like you are biting into a crisp red deliscious apple.  Seriously!  Try it!

So we got a pretty good crowd going and everybody was getting pretty tipsy, so we decided to head over to Solas.  And this is where I stop remembering things, Haha... ha... yeah...

Things I do remember:
Guy in a wheelchair ROCKIN on the dancefloor
Impressing Alice with my ability to rap all the lyrics to Big Pimpin
Impressing the DJ with my knowledge of BPMs
Telling the bartender about  my birthday last year at Solas which I swear he was there but he says no.  I think he's lying.  He still liked the story and bought me a drink for it.

Now here are some pictures that I don't recall taking.

Me and Andrew Demers.  Demers.  The valedictorian from my high school graduating class.  Dude is AWESOME!

Me and Natalie... please tell me she doesn't actually look scared... because I look drunk...

Look at Tara!  She looks horrified!  And Miranda is texting... but Natalie and I are having a BALL!

This I have a vague memory of. I must have danced off some of the alcohol.  Left to right is Alice, Demers, Michael, me and Natalie.. Miranda is in the front.  Miranda is my hight, don't let her fool you.

I kind of remember hailing a cab after this... Michael said I wasn't doing a good job.  It's not my fault!  Cabbies won't unlock their doors until you tell them where you're going, and I was too drunk to figure it all out!  I tried saying "Long Island City!" and then just telling them to unlock the door before I would tell them and neither worked.  Finally I got one.  Geez.

I bought everybody sandwiches since NOBODY would let me pay for drinks or the cab (Thanks guys, but you are ridiculous!)  I don't remember eating the sandwich really, or putting myself to bed.  I do remember waking up at 9:30 on Sunday and realizing I was still drunk.  Well yay.  I am classy.

I slept a bit more, and when Michael and Charlie came in to say goodbye, I was dead in the middle of hangover-ville.  I slept until 2. 2!  geez!  So did Gia though, so it's ok.

We grabbed Blockheads, a GREAT Burrito place.  I decided against the frozen margarita ($3 margarita, add $1 for flavor.  Or $6 for a "grande".  You will leave hammered.)  for obvious reasons.  Alice joined us which was wonderful :).  Then we all headed over to Chelsea Market (FINALLY!  I've been meaning to get over there for weeks.  It's a sad state of affairs in my little life.) and got this adorable little diary/journal from Anthropology, along with some more decorating ideas.  I fell in love with this chandeleir that was brassy with flowers.  Absolutely beautiful.  Damn the economy and my lack of $700!  I wanted that so bad!  But the journal will do :)

Alice and Gia were both impressed with my Manhattan Fruit Exchange.  I say that like it's mine, like I'm the only one that has ever found it.  I'm crazy.

And then we went and met up with Alice's friends from home at a little bar called Ninth Ward which was super cool!  The whole thing looks kind of like a castle, and has really low lighting.  I just loved it.  But again, no booze.  I opted for fried pickles and Beignets.  They were yummy!

And then Gia went home, and I crashed... and have been crashing all week long.  I can barely pull myself out of bed in the morning, I've been going to bed earlier and earlier and the gym did NOT happen. 

Monday night (my actual birthday, but the day that Miranda decided to celebrate her birthday) I headed over to Agozar for drinks and food.  Check them out, they are fantastic, friendly and not at all expensive for the flavor filled food you get to experience!  They have specials just about every day of the week!  Anyway, I went with the expectation that I would go, buy Miranda a drink, have a drink myself and maybe get an appetizer.  Then I'd head home.

Please tell me how I ended up having 2 drinks, 3 shots, 2 appetizers and 2 desserts?  AND HOW NOBODY WOULD LET ME PAY AGAIN?!?!

I have the best friends ever.

Today I could probably make it to the gym.  I got up and showered and to work early, thank GOD!  But I need to go home and get the place together because my new bed is being delivered tomorrow!  Woohoo!  Can't wait!  But I don't want some stranger seeing the mess I am currently living in.  Geez! Expect the beginnings of a DIY post early next week!

Just a couple of housekeeping things right quick before I let you go...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO:
(most of the universe)

Gia, Bill, Katie, Miranda, Manny, Mr. Nye, Handley aaaaaaaaand... about a million more people that I can't remember right now but I wish you the best anyway!

Also,

Amy over at Amalah.com is going through a bit of a rough time right now, so I want her to know my thoughts and prayers are with her and her family.  Stop by and leave her some support.  She likes that and could use some about now.

And now I'm going back to expense reports!  yay!  Have a great weekend, everybody!



By the way.  I mentioned a LOT of people and companies in this blog.  I will absolutely accept coupons, vouchers, gift certificates and cold hard cash for these and future mentions.  I'm just sayin.

Ladies and Gentlemen... the Train Has Left the Station!

I'm not sure which of you lit the fire under my butt, but thanks for that! 

All this talk about how I am getting nothing done made me realize that... YIKES!... everybody is coming tomorrow (which is now TODAY!) and I better get myself together! 

People.  PEOPLE!  I have no idea how I got all of this stuff done.  I must have tripped up the time/space continuum or something!  Let me recap, because I know you are DYING to know.

I got home and headed to a couple of local shops in Long Island City to check out potential gifts for Gia AGAIN and found lots of cute ideas, but of course over thought and rejected each one.  Whatever. 

Went to the E&I and became perplexed as to dinner.  I really didn't want to eat cake.  That doesn't work well with my fitness plan.  (Cue Kanye West's Workout Plan).  Finally, after considering pretty much every item in the store (including honey and a jar of peanut butter AND jelly in one jar together), I said to myself:

"Connie.  You have 14 gajillion things to do tonight. GET A SAMMICH AND BE DONE WITH IT ALREADY!"

And so I did.  I went home, ate dinner (a little too quickly...) and even declined a chat with Friend Mike.  Dudes.  I was on a mission. 

I got the laundry together and walked it down to the 'mat.  Started everything and went back home.  That's right!  I abandoned my prized NYC Cart and laundry bags in the laundromat!  I will take this moment to remind you that it was, in fact, NYC's favorite holiday yesterday and everybody was out drinking.  NOT doing laundry like the loser I am.  Only the guy that worked at the laundromat was in there.  And my guess is that he's not likely to steal my stuff. 

I head home, load the dishwasher, wipe down the kitchen counters and clean the bathroom.  I head back to the laundromat where the clothes are not quite done cycling. 

So I call mom.  I catch up with her while I'm putting the clothes in the drier.  I carry home the clothes that I need to hang dry and put them on the drying rack.  Then I clean EVERY PIECE of hardwood in my house.  I dust. 

I head back to the laundromat.  I fold my clothes and head home.  I put all of my clothes away immediately.  This... I just don't understand.  That has NEVER happened before!  Usually they sit in the laundry bag for at least a day or two.  Nope.  All put away within about 5 or 10 minutes.

Now it's time for Jersey Shore.  I grab the paperwork that needs to be filed from the kitchen and settle in on the couch.  As I'm watching Sammy and Ronnie play the love/hate game, and Mike the Situation cling desperately to his relevance on the show, I sort through the paperwork.  I am so not kidding about those papers sitting around for a year.  Seriously.  There were pay stubs from February 2010.  GAH!  I kill myself.  I file all of this away. 

I decide to start back on the dresser drawers. 

You.

Guys.

Not only did I get the last 2 dresser drawers decoupaged... I did the night stand drawers too!!  They now look like a completed set, even though I'm not done!  But seriously, just in time for my guests to "oooh!"  and "aahhh!" over this weekend!

Do you see that?!  Granted it was 1:30 in the morning before the drawers were dry and I could put the handles back on and put the clothes back in them and go to bed.  But I got everything done that I had wanted to all week long in one night!  I'm so impressed with myself, not to toot my own horn!

Now today was a little tough getting up.  But my spirit seriously improved when I realized that I didn't have to put on a jacket to leave my house today!  That is my definition of a perfect day!  NO JACKET!  IN MARCH! EEEEEEEEEEE!!

Gia arrived around 12:30 and we had lunch and sat outside WITHOUT JACKETS!! She brought cupcakes.  From Crumbs.  There's red velvet involved.  People.  This is also not in my diet plan.  But... I must.  AND THEN NEXT WEEK FOR REAL FOR REAL I AM GYMING AND DIETING AND FAT BURNER SUPPLEMENTING.

But tonight, we celebrate!  We'll be at the Half King in  Chelsea, so please stop by and say hello!  We'll be the loud drunk group in the booth by the bar with the Reserved sign on it!  You'll know us when you see us!

But until Monday when I will recap this fantastically exciting weekend, I leave you with this:  The explanation for my laziness:

It's all Puka's fault!  How am I supposed to get anything done with all that cuteness sitting directly on top of a year's worth of pay stubs?!

Now THIS is how St. Patty's Day should be kicked-off! ...

I bet you're all thinking I found myself drowning in a bucket of green beer, aren't you?

You are WRONG, suckas! 

I drowned myself in cake... glorious, St. Patty's themed cake... Here's what happened.

Last week, Miranda suggested a cake night.  I've done another cake night post Here.  We started talking about this particular cake night earlier this week and deciding what we wanted to do. 

Miranda: Let's make a Patrick's day cake

Me: OK... How?

Miranda: Green Cake with Cream Cheese icing?

Me: O My God I had a mini orgasm over the words cream cheese icing.

Miranda: A green velvet cake!

Me: yummmmmm!

And then it took on a life of its own.  Seriously... this is gonna take some work to out-do.  First, my culinary skills and boxed cake mix do not mix.

Hi. I'm making a WHITE cake.  As in, egg whites only?  Like... the way it tells you to do on the back of the box?  Like duh.  You should dig those yokes out now.

However, my culinary skills take a turn for the better here... my secrets to baking, let me show them to you.  DON'T USE FLOUR to grease and flour your pans.  I use cooking spray and a little bit of the cake mix.  It does the same thing as flour, but won't show up as ugly white powder on your cake, and you won't have that flour taste. 

Now THAT is some green cake batter!  It was at this point that I realized... um... maybe leaving those yokes in wouldn't have been so bad?  Because you wouldn't have been able to see them?  Through all the GREEN... but that's OK.  I like to follow the RULES outlined ever so discretely on the back of the cake box RIGHT AT THE TOP.  Anyway... that took quite a bit of green food coloring, and I started worrying about the consistency of the cake batter with all that extra moisture being added.  I really don't know much about how food color works... clearly...

So then we filled the pans with the green goo batter and baked for exactly 28 minutes and they were PERFECT!  Moist, but just a little bit golden brown on the top edges.  The color reminded me a LOT of either green playdough or the Wicked Witch of the West from the Wizard of Oz.

                         

 

Anyway, we let them cool while we had some frozen pizza (That I also baked because I am CLEARLY a culinary goddess.  Obvi.).  Now came the SUPER fun part!  A few tips?

If your local deli or supermarket or whatever doesn't carry the cream cheese frosting (which, I mean... who DOES that?!  Oh.  My deli does that.  Stupid.), buttercream will also work.  It's a little more of an off-white or yellowish color if you are going for aesthetics, but it tastes just fabulous.  It's not AS yellow as the container suggests though.  Also?  You will need 2 if you are doing a layer cake.  I have no idea about sheet cakes because I don't do that.  I stick pretty much to layered round cakes because that's the kind of pan I have in my house.  I have no knowledge about cake-making outside of the realm of 9-inch rounds.  Sorry...
So I slid the first layer of the cake out of its pan.  It comes out with NO problems every time I use the above mentioned method of greasing/flouring your pans.  I put it on a plate (because I am not fancy or suburban and cake stands just don't fit in my apartment I'm SORRY!) and spread about half of the first container of buttercream icing on top.  Maybe a little more.  I don't like wimpy icing layers.  Then I slide the second layer out of its plan, and put it on top of the first layer up-side down so that I have a nice flat surface to work with.  I use the rest of the first container and about 3/4 of the second container of buttercream frosting to cover the top and sides of the cake.  If we're getting fancy, you can slide pieces of parchment or wax paper under the first layer of cake so it doesn't get on your nice fancy suburban cake stand.  Wax paper also does not fit in my apartment.  Sorry.Once you are done icing, you pull the paper out from under the cake to reveal a perfectly clean cake stand and a perfectly iced cake.  Anyway... I have no pictures of this because my hands were busy getting messy with icing and holding the knife at the perfect angle to ice seamlessly, but not get anything on my ordinary urban plate.  I also do not have one of those fancy dancy cake spatula things...

Yeah one of those.  I just have to rely on straight SKILLZ, yo!

I also purchased a tube of green frosting to add some shamrocks on top of the cake. I was dismayed when I realized that after unscrewing the top and cutting the tip, that you were supposed to have some sort of cake decorating nozzle do-hickey to screw onto the end of the tube.  I did not.  But dudes.  I think it turned out pretty darn good, no?

How cute is that?!  I just squeezed dots out in groups of 4 from the tube, then used a toothpick to drag some icing to make stems.  So cute right??

One really important part of cake night is.... only forks allowed.  We don't cut slices of cake, or big pretty pieces or anything fancy like you suburban people do all the time.  No no.  We dig right in.  It's one of the most important rules about cake night.  In fact, it might be the ONLY rule about cake night.

Rule 1: Only forks at cake night.
Rule 2: ONLY FORKS AT CAKE NIGHT.

This was something we had to explain to Bethany when she looked at me like I was crazy.  I finished icing the cake, went to the silverware drawer, and produced 3 forks. 

Miranda: Oh.  Yeah.  We don't cut pieces.  You should just grab one of those (gestures to forks) and dig in.

Bethany: .....

Miranda:  Seriously!

Bethany: Haha this is so fun!  This is serious!

We took the cake to the living room and dug in.  And that is the only way to explain it.  DUG in!

There's the first "dig"... Look how perfectly green that cake is!!!  Can you believe it?!

And then this is what happened...

And I'm too embarrassed to add the final picture.  Let's just say a few more shamrocks disappeared.  Luckily, it's just me at home, and it's almost my birthday and if you think I'm not considering having cake for dinner you would be WRONG, sucka!  But I'll probably have a salad first.  Because it's in the same color family.  GREEN!

Puka fell in love with Bethany.  She laid on Bethany's lap and gave me the stank eye like "Look, woman.  Some people LIKE me being on them at all times!"  And then she had some banana time.  Which probably sounds weird to you. When I first adopted Puka I got her a banana filled with catnip.  It's her favorite toy and the only one she actually plays with. I have a really sad and neglected plush bunny and mouse, both with catnip.  Puka only wants the banana.

No, Mom.  My banana.  Stop trying to take it.

Also?  I successfully departed Procrastination Central.  I got the clothes picked up and hardwood floors cleaned.  Tonight is laundry, shopping, clean the bathroom and filing that paperwork.  And if I have time I'll finish those last 2 drawers on my dresser.  Which I think I will. Because I am MOTIVATED!  It's beautiful outside and I have friends (FRIENDS!) visiting this weekend and it will be great!  WOOO!!

Happy St. Patty's Day everybody!!  Go have some carbombs!

Procrastination Central...

I have not been especially busy lately.  Well.  Actually.  I've had a lot to do, but I have been doing nothing.  So I should have been busy, I just opted not to be.  Rather I've been sitting on my ass going "huh.  Those clothes probably aren't gonna hang themselves."  and "those 2 drawers on the dresser look really good... maybe I should finish the last 2?".  But instead of getting up and DOING these things, I'd just sit and say "yeah yeah, I'm gonna do that.  In 15 minutes.  No, 37 minutes, when this show is over... because this episode of Kourtney and Kim is one I JUST cannot miss."  And then suddenly it's midnight and I'm putting Puka and myself to bed with the house still a mess. 

Last weekend I had big plans of going to Chelsea Market and Union Square.  And I actually started the week off in Productive-ville!  (Procrastination Central, Productive-ville.. you see where I'm going.)  Even though it took me an hour to get to the gym, I went and rocked it out.  And then the 7 train wasn't running (something about signal problems.  Blah.  Always.) and I had to take a cab home.  But that cabbie's meter wasn't working so he took me close to the midtown tunnel, and then had me get out and get another cab.  And he didn't charge me for that leg of the trip which was nice.  So I had to take 2 cabs to get home!  Crazytown!  (There we go again!) 

But that's about where my productivity stopped.  Saturday I slept in until about 11, got up and decided I just plain didn't feel like showering, which cut out leaving the house that day.  No big deal, I'll just clean the house.  I need to dust, and vacuum and I'd like to clean the hardwood floors and the kitchen counters could use a good scrubbing and I need to clean the bathroom because I won't be able to before next weekend when everybody arrives.  So I'll do that today and TOMORROW I'll go run errands.

I vacuumed.  2 out of 4 rooms. 

And I cleaned a very small amount of hardwood floor.

That was it.

And I was up until 3 in the morning!  Kids!  That means that I had a solid 16 hour day and I did approximately 15 minutes of work.  MAYBE.  I mean, that's really stretching it.  So then I sat on my couch and I started working on my dresser project (photos to come because I want to finish it first.  And I have to order more paper before I can finish it.  Guess who hasn't ordered more paper?).  I covered 2 drawers in the pretty paper.  Would you like to know what that entails?  Cutting the paper in half, and decoupaging it on the dresser.  And that's it.  I got 2 done.  2.  There are only 4 drawers, but apparently that was JUST too much for me to handle that day.

I can't honestly tell you what else I did.  Seriously.  There's a good 15 hours there that I just can't fill-in-the-blanks.

So Sunday I got up with new resolve.  I saw the hardwood floor cleaner sitting in my living room, the clothes piled up on the couch in the bedroom, the dirty dishes in the sink, and the pile of paperwork that needs to be filed. 

PSHAW!  I'm going to the market!

So I showered, I dressed, I did my hair and make-up.  I was set to go!  And then I heard a bus.  I never hear buses around these parts. 

Oh.
No.

That's not a bus!  That's a shuttle!  That means the 7 train is still down!  My 15 minute trip to Chelsea Market just turned into a 45 minute+ haul!  And I'd have to lug all that stuff I buy back on the shuttle with me! 

Oh.

Uh uh no they didn't.

And I landed right back in Procrastination Central.  But at least I looked hot, right?  I mean, not that anybody else knows that because I DIDN'T LEAVE THE HOUSE AGAIN ON SUNDAY.

And one would think that maybe just MAYBE I would have taken the opportunity to finish what I had put off the day before.  Like put away the clothes.  Finish the floors.  Clean the kitchen.  FILE SOME DAMN PAPERWORK THAT HAS BEEN SITTING IN THE KITCHEN FOR A YEAR OH MY GOD.

Nope.

I distinctly remember sitting on my couch thinking "welp.  Can't go to the market now.  So... there goes my whole day."  And so I turned on a movie.  And another movie.  I fooled myself into believing that this was all the Universe's doing because my horoscope had said to have an easy day and just enjoy.  Dude, that's fine and all except that I did that already on SATURDAY!  Like, remember??

So then it was Monday.  I remember getting home... and I meant to do something... Oh but then I got really cold and had to huddle under a blanket on my couch until the place warmed up.  And then I made dinner.  And then I watched something unmemorable on TV and then I went to bed.  Also?  I did not clean up dinner.  Also?  I broke a dish, swept it into the dust pan and left the full dust pan and broom 3 feet from the garbage can.  When I woke up on Tuesday, I was disgusted by myself. 

So yesterday (Tuesday) I had big plans.  BIG plans people!  I was going home and throwing away that broken dish, taking out the trash and recycling, emptying the dishwasher, cleaning up the kitchen, cleaning the bathroom, dusting and doing the hardwood floors!  In all honesty, I could have gotten all of that done in an hour or so. 

Uh huh.

But guess who DIDN'T!

I did take out the trash and recycling and I did empty the dishwasher and I did clean up the kitchen.  But I did nothing else.  My bathroom remains uncleaned, the paperwork is still unfiled.  The hardwood floor cleaner is still hanging out in my living room.  And I can see the dust from across the room. 

But I did catch up with some very stressed out friends which was lovely!  One was Lyss who was initially unimpressed with my "inspirational speech" but changed her mind when I doled out a good dose of what she calls "perspective".  A.K.A.  PEOPLE DIED IN A TSUNAMI THIS WEEK, YOUR BOY/WORK/FRIEND PROBLEMS ARE NOTHING!  If she said that to me I'd just be pissed.  It worked for her.  What can I say, I play to the people.  The other was one of my best friends from high school, Dustin, who is just wonderful and I miss terribly.  Good to know that every guy makes stupid mis-steps in their relationships.  Also good to know that some actually try to fix those mistakes instead of clinging desperately to their pride. 

Ahem.

I got to catch up with mommy.  And friend Mike (as usual).  We had a thrilling conversation about sea bass.  I'm not kidding.  That whole sentence is totally serious. It was thrilling.  And it was about sea bass.  Mostly Chilean, but we touched on black and striped as well.  I'll spare you the details.  It's all just too riveting.

I also managed to get the DJ good and annoyed at me on Monday night.  I let him know that I wouldn't be visiting because I thought it was pointless and that I'd just end up broken hearted again and that doesn't sound very appealing to me.  He told me that he figured I wouldn't, but that he had thrown the invite out there so he seemed like less of a douche.

Hold the phone.

Any recovery from douchiness that you made by offering the invitation, was just negated by that statement.  Although I'm sure it was a defense thing like "I knew all along that you would say no and I certainly wasn't HOPING you'd come so this is no surprise, so just so you know I knew all this all along and I'm fine with it just FINE.", I have this way of kicking people when they are down.  See also: I am the Queen of Snark. 

I told him that he couldn't seem one way or another to me because I already know who he is.  But that yes, I assumed that the invite was less about seeing me and more him trying to be on good terms with me to ensure his numbers (number of fans/followers, etc.) stayed up.  This was one of the first excuses he gave me for not being able to set boundaries on his relationship with one person in particular.  "If I stop talking to her, her friends will get pissed and then I'll lose all of them as followers!  And right now, it's all a numbers game.  I have to be able to tell people I have thousands of people I can reach out to to promote."  Ugh.  I hate that I even stuck around after that load of crap.

Apparently this upset him for who knows why.  Since it's something he said, and that "douchebag" comment totally asked for it! 

When I asked what day he was coming to pick up the rest of his stuff because I wanted to be there, he accused me of saying he was going to steal something from me.  He asked if I wanted to alert the precinct across the street too.  GAH! 

NO DUDE!  You left the place in total disarray which took me a week and a half to get back in order, as you may recall... and I don't feel like going through that again!  Plus, given the way you react most of the time, if something DOES get broken or taken, I want to know it was an accident and not you being malicious!  WHY IS IT DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND WHY I WANT TO BE IN MY OWN HOUSE?!  Anyway, he tried his own hand at snark with the "I know how busy you are and all..." and the "... so I won't take up TOO much of your time" blah blah blahs.  He failed.

So you are probably thinking that, since I realize my extended stay at Procrastination Central, maybe I would go home tonight and just bang it out.  Well you would be wrong.

Miranda suggested a St. Patty's inspired cake night for tonight.  You may also be wondering if the cake is baked yet.  And the answer would be no.  And in fact, it isn't bought yet, either and I have no eggs.  And just when you thought it couldn't get worse, eh?  Eh?  So I will be RUSHING out of here at 6pm, running to E&I, grabbing cake mix, icing, eggs and hopefully either some green food coloring or tubes of green tube frosting for decorating, and running home to make my masterpiece.  Then I will try to get SOMETHING ANYTHING OH MY GOD I'M SO EMBARRASSED BY MY APARTMENT done before Miranda and Bethany show up.  Pictures to follow.

You know.  Unless the train stops running outbound from Procrastination Central again or something...

3 Days In A Row and I'm On A Roll!

Hi again! 

So I'm considering going to do a little light grocery shopping this weekend so that I can avoid another catastrophe.  Granted I will still probably have to venture out to that far far away grocery store for a few items every now and then, but I'd rather not do another big shopping trip.

So I think I am going to head to Chelsea Market this weekend and see what I can find.  I'm especially excited about the Fruit/Produce market there called The Manhattan Fruit Exchange.

Here's the website for you to check out: Chelsea Market!!

I was reading over some information, like what time they are open and if they even open on Sundays in the FAQ section when I came across this little tidbit that made me giggle:

"Can I bring my dogs, cats, goldfish, donkeys, penguin, turtle, sugar glider, tarantula, or pony into the market?"

First of all.  In case you can't tell by the ever-changing Icon on this here blog, I LOVE penguins and would give my right big toe (more important appendage than you would expect) to have a PET penguin!

What also made me laugh is that probably, at some point, someone has requested that each of these animals be granted access.  It would in no way surprise me.

Last weekend when I went to Tasti Delight (ew. gross.  not even CLOSE to Red Mango, and I must now locate a new... location... because my Red Mango closed down.  This is perhaps a blessing in disguise because it was right by my gym, and thus counteracted all of my hard work.  But Still.  Heartbreaking.) this woman absolutely walked into the place with her dog.  Like.  Into a place that serves food.  And thought nothing of it.  THEY HAD TO ASK HER TO LEAVE!  She thought that by assuring them that she would be quick it would be acceptable to bring the dog in.  New Yorkers are a bit crazy sometimes.  I love puppies as much as the next girl.  But seriously?  Maybe if you know you're going to a place that serves some sort of food you should either 1) Not bring your dog with you on that particular trip or 2) call before you come to see if it's OK??  I don't know, call me crazy.  But generally people get nervous when furry creatures that walk on all 4s, have been known to munch on their own poop and only bathe maybe once a month if their owner is REALLY on top of things start walking all over a public place where they are supposed to be eating. 

Anyway.  New York is very much so a small dog friendly city.  As long as the dog fits in your purse or a carry-on bag you can take them on the train and in cabs.  They are allowed in lots of boutiques and shops, can run around central park, and there are a number of stores dedicated to their health, comfort, and beauty. 

But not restaurants.  And that's just common sense.  And that question made me laugh for this reason, too.

So anyway, I'll be there either Saturday or Sunday this week.  I am scheduled to go to the gym on Saturday and I think that both working out AND grocery shopping in the same day might actually put me over the edge.

(I just spent like 30 minutes trying to find the exact clip that I thought of after typing that sentence.  It is a F*R*I*E*N*D*S episode from Season 5 called "The One With The Inappropriate Sister" and it's literally the opening scene where Ross is super bored and has done all kinds of errands already that day because he's unemployed.  Joey tells him he needs to learn to space things out.  YOU YouTube it if you want to see it.  I'm just frustrated now.)

(Also, as you get to know me, everything can be related to either F*R*I*E*N*D*S or Family Guy.  Just to make myself feel better, here is one of my favorite Family Guy clips:

)



So there you have it.  If you feel like coming out to Chelsea Market on Sunday, you'll probably find me in the Fruit Market (hehe.  Fruit.  Chelsea... it's funny in an 8th grade humor kind of way...)

This is me:

Here's hoping I won't have a plastic cup of beer in my hand if you see me...