Thursday, April 28, 2011

Rain Rain Go Away!

When I was in high school and college, I had a really tough time taking psych courses because I always convinced myself I had something, or WAS something.  It's the same thing that happens now when I watch Dr. Oz.  (By the way, is that seriously that guy's name?  Really?)  I'm sitting there, just watching his program and BAM!  I'm knocked right into a panic attack by "Sometimes I get sweaty, and sometimes strenuous activity gets me out of breath, and every once in a while I like to lay down oh my GOD I have heart disease!  And it seems pretty advanced so I probably won't make it onto the donor list and I'm gonna DIE!  WHY didn't I make a bucket list?!  I'm so unprepared!"

I have decided I can't watch Dr. Oz anymore.  But psych classes are even worse!  Because they outline all these little underlying personality ticks that could maybe possibly perhaps mean that there might be something slightly off that you need to work with a therapist to fix.  There are too many possibilities to mis-diagnose!  Or ignore these symptoms as "nothing" and "merely my personality" when maybe something is really WRONG! Ya know?

Abnormal psych was awesome.  I was sure I had all kinds of personality disorders and maybe a little bit of DID or something.  Who knows, but somethin wasn't right with me!  Of that much I was sure!

So here we are again.  I think I have Seasonal Affective Disorder.  Not familiar?  The basic gist is that as the season changes you become depressed or have severe mood swings.  I have always noticed that I get much more lethargic during the winter.  I don't want to go out, I don't accomplish much.  Mostly I just want to sleep, and I'm tired a lot.  And then in the summer I'm bouncy and cheerful, less sarcastic, very productive, etc.  Also, the weather really effects me.  When it's rainy (like today), GOD help us all.  I'm so tired I can barely move.  I have gotten exactly nothing done.  And I can't motivate myself to work on anything that isn't happening RIGHT NOW RIGHT THIS MINUTE GO GO GO EVAC EVAC!

But an hour ago when the sun was out I was fine.  Now I want to go home and curl up with Twilight and Puka and read until I fall asleep.  Yup.  That's what I want.  Bad. 

Funny story?  I don't have Seasonal Affective Disorder.  I'm crazy, but not... like... clinically.  Humans are animals, and we have basic survival skills.  When it's darker out, we want to sleep.  When it's cold, we want to get warm.  When we're hot, we want to get cool.  So I'm just being freaking human... and I think there's something wrong with me! 

I need to leave the analysis to Lyss.  Seriously.  I clearly suck at it.

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