Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Procrastination Central...

I have not been especially busy lately.  Well.  Actually.  I've had a lot to do, but I have been doing nothing.  So I should have been busy, I just opted not to be.  Rather I've been sitting on my ass going "huh.  Those clothes probably aren't gonna hang themselves."  and "those 2 drawers on the dresser look really good... maybe I should finish the last 2?".  But instead of getting up and DOING these things, I'd just sit and say "yeah yeah, I'm gonna do that.  In 15 minutes.  No, 37 minutes, when this show is over... because this episode of Kourtney and Kim is one I JUST cannot miss."  And then suddenly it's midnight and I'm putting Puka and myself to bed with the house still a mess. 

Last weekend I had big plans of going to Chelsea Market and Union Square.  And I actually started the week off in Productive-ville!  (Procrastination Central, Productive-ville.. you see where I'm going.)  Even though it took me an hour to get to the gym, I went and rocked it out.  And then the 7 train wasn't running (something about signal problems.  Blah.  Always.) and I had to take a cab home.  But that cabbie's meter wasn't working so he took me close to the midtown tunnel, and then had me get out and get another cab.  And he didn't charge me for that leg of the trip which was nice.  So I had to take 2 cabs to get home!  Crazytown!  (There we go again!) 

But that's about where my productivity stopped.  Saturday I slept in until about 11, got up and decided I just plain didn't feel like showering, which cut out leaving the house that day.  No big deal, I'll just clean the house.  I need to dust, and vacuum and I'd like to clean the hardwood floors and the kitchen counters could use a good scrubbing and I need to clean the bathroom because I won't be able to before next weekend when everybody arrives.  So I'll do that today and TOMORROW I'll go run errands.

I vacuumed.  2 out of 4 rooms. 

And I cleaned a very small amount of hardwood floor.

That was it.

And I was up until 3 in the morning!  Kids!  That means that I had a solid 16 hour day and I did approximately 15 minutes of work.  MAYBE.  I mean, that's really stretching it.  So then I sat on my couch and I started working on my dresser project (photos to come because I want to finish it first.  And I have to order more paper before I can finish it.  Guess who hasn't ordered more paper?).  I covered 2 drawers in the pretty paper.  Would you like to know what that entails?  Cutting the paper in half, and decoupaging it on the dresser.  And that's it.  I got 2 done.  2.  There are only 4 drawers, but apparently that was JUST too much for me to handle that day.

I can't honestly tell you what else I did.  Seriously.  There's a good 15 hours there that I just can't fill-in-the-blanks.

So Sunday I got up with new resolve.  I saw the hardwood floor cleaner sitting in my living room, the clothes piled up on the couch in the bedroom, the dirty dishes in the sink, and the pile of paperwork that needs to be filed. 

PSHAW!  I'm going to the market!

So I showered, I dressed, I did my hair and make-up.  I was set to go!  And then I heard a bus.  I never hear buses around these parts. 


That's not a bus!  That's a shuttle!  That means the 7 train is still down!  My 15 minute trip to Chelsea Market just turned into a 45 minute+ haul!  And I'd have to lug all that stuff I buy back on the shuttle with me! 


Uh uh no they didn't.

And I landed right back in Procrastination Central.  But at least I looked hot, right?  I mean, not that anybody else knows that because I DIDN'T LEAVE THE HOUSE AGAIN ON SUNDAY.

And one would think that maybe just MAYBE I would have taken the opportunity to finish what I had put off the day before.  Like put away the clothes.  Finish the floors.  Clean the kitchen.  FILE SOME DAMN PAPERWORK THAT HAS BEEN SITTING IN THE KITCHEN FOR A YEAR OH MY GOD.


I distinctly remember sitting on my couch thinking "welp.  Can't go to the market now.  So... there goes my whole day."  And so I turned on a movie.  And another movie.  I fooled myself into believing that this was all the Universe's doing because my horoscope had said to have an easy day and just enjoy.  Dude, that's fine and all except that I did that already on SATURDAY!  Like, remember??

So then it was Monday.  I remember getting home... and I meant to do something... Oh but then I got really cold and had to huddle under a blanket on my couch until the place warmed up.  And then I made dinner.  And then I watched something unmemorable on TV and then I went to bed.  Also?  I did not clean up dinner.  Also?  I broke a dish, swept it into the dust pan and left the full dust pan and broom 3 feet from the garbage can.  When I woke up on Tuesday, I was disgusted by myself. 

So yesterday (Tuesday) I had big plans.  BIG plans people!  I was going home and throwing away that broken dish, taking out the trash and recycling, emptying the dishwasher, cleaning up the kitchen, cleaning the bathroom, dusting and doing the hardwood floors!  In all honesty, I could have gotten all of that done in an hour or so. 

Uh huh.

But guess who DIDN'T!

I did take out the trash and recycling and I did empty the dishwasher and I did clean up the kitchen.  But I did nothing else.  My bathroom remains uncleaned, the paperwork is still unfiled.  The hardwood floor cleaner is still hanging out in my living room.  And I can see the dust from across the room. 

But I did catch up with some very stressed out friends which was lovely!  One was Lyss who was initially unimpressed with my "inspirational speech" but changed her mind when I doled out a good dose of what she calls "perspective".  A.K.A.  PEOPLE DIED IN A TSUNAMI THIS WEEK, YOUR BOY/WORK/FRIEND PROBLEMS ARE NOTHING!  If she said that to me I'd just be pissed.  It worked for her.  What can I say, I play to the people.  The other was one of my best friends from high school, Dustin, who is just wonderful and I miss terribly.  Good to know that every guy makes stupid mis-steps in their relationships.  Also good to know that some actually try to fix those mistakes instead of clinging desperately to their pride. 


I got to catch up with mommy.  And friend Mike (as usual).  We had a thrilling conversation about sea bass.  I'm not kidding.  That whole sentence is totally serious. It was thrilling.  And it was about sea bass.  Mostly Chilean, but we touched on black and striped as well.  I'll spare you the details.  It's all just too riveting.

I also managed to get the DJ good and annoyed at me on Monday night.  I let him know that I wouldn't be visiting because I thought it was pointless and that I'd just end up broken hearted again and that doesn't sound very appealing to me.  He told me that he figured I wouldn't, but that he had thrown the invite out there so he seemed like less of a douche.

Hold the phone.

Any recovery from douchiness that you made by offering the invitation, was just negated by that statement.  Although I'm sure it was a defense thing like "I knew all along that you would say no and I certainly wasn't HOPING you'd come so this is no surprise, so just so you know I knew all this all along and I'm fine with it just FINE.", I have this way of kicking people when they are down.  See also: I am the Queen of Snark

I told him that he couldn't seem one way or another to me because I already know who he is.  But that yes, I assumed that the invite was less about seeing me and more him trying to be on good terms with me to ensure his numbers (number of fans/followers, etc.) stayed up.  This was one of the first excuses he gave me for not being able to set boundaries on his relationship with one person in particular.  "If I stop talking to her, her friends will get pissed and then I'll lose all of them as followers!  And right now, it's all a numbers game.  I have to be able to tell people I have thousands of people I can reach out to to promote."  Ugh.  I hate that I even stuck around after that load of crap.

Apparently this upset him for who knows why.  Since it's something he said, and that "douchebag" comment totally asked for it! 

When I asked what day he was coming to pick up the rest of his stuff because I wanted to be there, he accused me of saying he was going to steal something from me.  He asked if I wanted to alert the precinct across the street too.  GAH! 

NO DUDE!  You left the place in total disarray which took me a week and a half to get back in order, as you may recall... and I don't feel like going through that again!  Plus, given the way you react most of the time, if something DOES get broken or taken, I want to know it was an accident and not you being malicious!  WHY IS IT DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND WHY I WANT TO BE IN MY OWN HOUSE?!  Anyway, he tried his own hand at snark with the "I know how busy you are and all..." and the "... so I won't take up TOO much of your time" blah blah blahs.  He failed.

So you are probably thinking that, since I realize my extended stay at Procrastination Central, maybe I would go home tonight and just bang it out.  Well you would be wrong.

Miranda suggested a St. Patty's inspired cake night for tonight.  You may also be wondering if the cake is baked yet.  And the answer would be no.  And in fact, it isn't bought yet, either and I have no eggs.  And just when you thought it couldn't get worse, eh?  Eh?  So I will be RUSHING out of here at 6pm, running to E&I, grabbing cake mix, icing, eggs and hopefully either some green food coloring or tubes of green tube frosting for decorating, and running home to make my masterpiece.  Then I will try to get SOMETHING ANYTHING OH MY GOD I'M SO EMBARRASSED BY MY APARTMENT done before Miranda and Bethany show up.  Pictures to follow.

You know.  Unless the train stops running outbound from Procrastination Central again or something...

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